Rough Roads Ahead
Life changes in an instance–as one life ends another is beginning.
I’ve been thinking about decisions in life a lot lately. Maybe it’s because I turned 24-years-old a month ago and I’m realizing that my life is not where I thought it would be at this point.
This is my sixth year in “college”. I thought that I would get my undergraduate degree, get my masters, then a ring and a kid. However, my life changed drastically at the end of my senior year of college. I am happy for those changes, but it has also caused my ultimate life plan to be thrown out the window and since then I haven’t really stopped to think about it.
For the average person, waiting until thirty or later to get married is not a huge deal. And, years ago, I thought the same thing. Nonetheless, as I grew older “I hate kids. I’ll never have any!” turned into “Well, kids are kinda cool” and now “I want to be a stay-at-home mom and home school my kids!” The only problem with my desire to have children, is that I have a time limit.
After three years of severe abdominal pains, countless exams, scans, and ideas canned, I was diagnosed with endometriosis at nineteen. My doctor’s exact words were “if you plan on having children, you should start sooner than later” he went on to tell me that my best bet is to have all the kids I wanted before thirty.
One moment–that is all it took to change my life forever. Instantly my mind started racing, every twinge of pain was a reminder that time was ticking. Living your life on a deadline is scary when you have no control over what will happen in your life.
I know I want to finish law school and I wanted to work my way up in a law firm and potentially make partner or start my own firm; yet, now, accomplishing everything I dreamed is not as simple.
Today a close family friend passed away. Yesterday I found out someone is pregnant. Life is a continuing circle. No one can stop it, no one can slow it down. You cannot hit pause when you want to, and it will continue whether you want it to or not. We do not control it…He does. It is humbling to think that you could disappear today and life would continue. Yes, your loved one will miss you and your death/disappearance would be mourned, but time will not stand still. More than likely no one will write about your life or death as if it was some profound happening, because people live and die every day. My hope is that I can have an impact on the lives of people who I encounter so that one day after I am long gone from their lives, they will stop and think “I wonder where she is now.” I do not believe it is pride that causes us to desire to be remembered, but an inward desire to make an impact–to be important enough to someone to be remembered.
Law school proves me with many avenues of opportunity to impact lives (and the world). The work that I put in today will affect how I perform tomorrow. How I perform tomorrow will affect what job I am offered. What job I am offered will affect what path I take. And, yada yada yada.
The truth is that when you put your life into perspective you’ll realize that you do not have any control.
Plan as much as you want, dream as big as you can because ”anything is possible to him who believes.”
